Shoe thrower

A few days ago, i was sitting at the departure terminal of the Hong Kong airport, trying to fly back to India on one of the most ridiculous itineraries ever. Apparently i never realized that my travel guy is another of those folks who needs to be pampered regularly, else he’ll make you suffer with bizarre travel itineraries.

Anyhoo, free internet on the airport is quite a perk, and as i was surfing away, killing time, i came across this news about  some random person who tried to hit General Pervez Musharaff with a shoe, and bloody missed it. As i read through the report, a few thoughts ran through my mind. When was the last time someone decided to hit a politician with a shoe and had success in this endeavor? At least i don’t remember hearing any such news, and believe me, i do watch a healthy dose of India TV, so would probably have not missed it.

Clearly the success rate here is so low that this issue needs some attention. And while the smarter minds of the world work on finding a cure for AIDS, i will contribute my two cents here and do a root cause analysis for the problem.

Here are the things that the prospective shoe throwers should look at before attempting to madly flung their footwear at the most esteemed, but much deserving VVIP politicians:

1. Selecting your shoe – Most important…Your weapon of choice is no doubt excellent, but the mere fact that it’s a shoe probably wont guarantee that it hits the intended target. Spend time in researching a variety which is shaped nicely and is just the right weight. Both these things will not only ensure precise execution of your task but also a smoother travel towards your target. Avoid using the heavy variants; they may not travel the distance. The goal should be to land the shoe somewhere on your target before people around grab hold and beat the crap out of you. On a commercial front, you may try to secure an endorsement from a shoe company. The flight time towards the target will give them enough air time for an advertisement, and will earn you some bucks as well.

2.Get the physics right – Newtonian research on motion physics and mechanics cannot be ignored. Brush up on your physics before you make your move. Get your concepts of momentum, velocity, acceleration and projectile motion right. You will need all these in order to make the perfect hit. It may also be useful to have an idea of the surroundings where you will be attempting this stunt. Things vary depending on the wind factor, the place where you will be seated and other distractions. If possible, replicate the exact circumstances and try the entire act with some of your supportive friends. Friends who are used to getting hit by shoes because of their inherent inquisitive nature should be preferred for such experiments.

3. Chose your target carefully – This brings me to another important factor. Choosing your target. It’s okay to loathe politicians. Most of us have not been able to help it, however hard we try. That obviously does not mean everyone can be made the target of the shoe hitting phenomenon. You need to target folks who are not too fast, else they will easily evade your projectile, and keep smiling. Of course all of them are fast when it comes to tricking the people who voted them to power, but not all will be fast enough to trick a precisely thrown shoe. If however, you do have to choose a fast one, place yourself somewhere they can’t see you. That way they wont have the time to move when you take the shot.

4. Ask for a tip or two from a girlfriend – Ah, possibly the most useful tip. Please do consult your female friends. They are well equipped in the art of getting their footwear out and hitting it precisely where they want to, in almost a flash. They have all the knowledge and a few secret tips from them might just be the ones that eventually get you the hit.

That is all i have for now. I will be looking through the news channels for some good news…Happy throwing!!